LOGLINE ANALYSIS

Hello all,

I've been having problems crafting a logline for an already written script. Below are the loglines I've come up with but they stil do not seem right. I need help, please analyze them for me.

A guilt-racked housewife gets an abortion at the urging of her overly possessive mother. As she struggles to regain the peace lost in her life she becomes troubled by bizarre nightmares of a child that happens to be her endearing son's best friend.

After getting an abortion at the urging of her overly possessive mother, a guilt-racked housewife struggles to regain the peace lost in her life when she later becomes tormented by bizarre hallucinations.

A guilt-racked housewife gets an abortion at the urging of her overly possessive mother and marries the man her mother wishes her to. She struggles to regain the peace lost in her life when she later becomes troubled by bizarre hallucinations and finds out that her husband is a cheat.

A guilt-racked housewife gets an abortion at the urging of her overly possessive mother. She struggles to regain the peace lost in her life when she later becomes troubled by bizarre hallucinations.

After getting an abortion at the urging of her overly possessive mother, a guilt-racked housewife becomes tormented by bizarre nightmares. She struggles to regain the peace lost in her life when she later realizes that the child in her nightmares is alive and he is her lovely son's best friend.

Chidi wrote:
Hello all,

I've been having problems crafting a logline for an already written script. Below are the loglines I've come up with but they stil do not seem right. I need help, please analyze them for me.

A guilt-racked housewife gets an abortion at the urging of her overly possessive mother. As she struggles to regain the peace lost in her life she becomes troubled by bizarre nightmares of a child that happens to be her endearing son's best friend.

After getting an abortion at the urging of her overly possessive mother, a guilt-racked housewife struggles to regain the peace lost in her life when she later becomes tormented by bizarre hallucinations.

A guilt-racked housewife gets an abortion at the urging of her overly possessive mother and marries the man her mother wishes her to. She struggles to regain the peace lost in her life when she later becomes troubled by bizarre hallucinations and finds out that her husband is a cheat.

A guilt-racked housewife gets an abortion at the urging of her overly possessive mother. She struggles to regain the peace lost in her life when she later becomes troubled by bizarre hallucinations.

After getting an abortion at the urging of her overly possessive mother, a guilt-racked housewife becomes tormented by bizarre nightmares. She struggles to regain the peace lost in her life when she later realizes that the child in her nightmares is alive and he is her lovely son's best friend.

Hi Chidi ~

My suggestion is to whittle down and simplify. You don't want to tell too much of what is going in, just keep it simple and leave them wanting more. Leave B & C stories out, just tell the overall premise/main story arc.

With that in mind, I'd suggest something like this:

"After having an abortion, a guilt-ridden woman becomes tormented by the bizzare hallucinations of a nightmarish child."

The mother forcing, the husband cheating make the logline convoluted.

Hopes this helps!