Scene from Bringing Down the Bangos: Grace brings her daughter Poe (16) to AA

INT. CHURCH BASEMENT ROOM - LATER THAT MORNING

In front of the church is a large bright banner that can be seen a block away: "ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS
MEETINGS HERE". Practically the whole town is there, including: Nurse
Gloria, Officer Kevin Snow, Audrey the police station filing lady, etc.

POE
I am so going to go Columbine. I'll kill Madsen. I'm
an alcoholic and an alienated minor. It wouldn't be
my fault. I'd get off. They would say it's Mom and
Dad's fault and I'd get, maybe like five years
probation or something...

GAYLORD
I'd stand by your side.

POE
What are you doing here?

GAYLORD
Just hangin'.

POE
Are you an alcoholic?

GAYLORD
Nope. But my brother, Lord, is.

POE
So... you come to support him?

GAYLORD
Nope. Biggest asshole you ever met. Great
entertainment, though. From a distance.

He reaches into a baggy, and pops a mushroom into his mouth.

GRACE
Honey, sit up straight. You don't want to make a
poor impression.

POE
In case you haven't noticed, I don't have to make a
good impression for these people. They're - um -
what do you call them - alcoholics.

AUDREY
Hello. My name is Audrey and I am an al-co-ho-lic.

POE
See?

GAYLORD
Audrey's not an alcoholic either. She just pretends
to be one so she can get the dirt on everyone here.

AA GROUP
Hello Audrey!

AUDREY
Are there any new people here tonight who would like
to share? We know there is one... right... over...
there!

She points at Poe, who slouches further down in her chair. Lord (Gaylord's
brother), about 40, waves his hand.

GAYLORD
Lord speaks at every meeting. And he goes to three
meetings a day.

POE
Wow...

Audrey the AA Leader is forced to recognize Lord. She sighs with annoyance, but nods her assent.

LORD
Hey, I'm Lord and I'm a speed freak and an
alcoholic. Yeah, like no SHIT, or why THE FUCK would
I be here?!

AA GROUP
Hi Lord!

LORD
Hi y'all. First I wanna say -- and this is to anyone
who doesn't get it. This is what it's all about:
GROW THE FUCK UP, MAN! That's what it comes down to!
And if you didn't understand that, then let me
clarify -- make it real simple: Grow. The. Fuck. Up.
Anyways, GLAD to be here, man! I'm really proud of
all of you, and especially to the newcomers. You got
courage, and it ain't going to be easy, man! Look, I
KNOW I'm an ASSHOLE. And I can never forget that.
This is about HONESTY man! Get humble! I have to
come here no matter what. Every day. For six fuckin'
years, man! And I'll be coming here for the next
sixty years. KEEP coming. Cuz if you think that you
got it together, and you stop coming here, you won't
keep your humility. It's YOU guys who keep me
humble. Otherwise, I just think I'm the jackshit of
the world, man. YOU keep me humble. YOU remind me
that I'm not Jack SHIT, I'm just a tatooed, balding
jack ASS from New Fucking Bedford. I drive all the
way here over the bridge every day. I could go to AA
in my hood, but I want to come over here to see that
you lovely, perfumey, well-to-do HOUSEWIVES are just
AS FUCKED UP AS I AM! I STAY in my shit
neighborhood, instead of YOUR my-shit-don't-STINK
neighborhood to stay HUMBLE! And because of you -
because of THE PROGRAM - because I have given my
WILL over to my higher power because, I know, I have
no motherfuckin' will of my own because I am a
drunk, speed-freakin' ASSHOLE - I know now that I
CAN be a WORTHwhile, SOBER asshole. And I just want
to say one more thing. To any of you who aren't sure
if you really belong here: Then why the FUCK are you
here? Thank you.

Everybody claps. Grace gives Lord a thumbs up, her eyes shining bright with
tears. Poe looks at her mother with disgust.

POE
Why aren't I bringing you here instead of the other
way around? You're the one who likes it so much.

Poe dozes off - the testimonies become a distant, droning buzz.

TIME CUT:

The end of the meeting...

GLORIA
Wake up, 'oooh-I'm-in-shock' girl.

POE
Oh my God... I know you.

GLORIA
No you don't. I'm anonymous. And don't you forget it
you little creep.

OFFICER KEVIN SNOW
Well well. If it isn't daddy's drunk little girl.

POE
Do I know you?

OFFICER KEVIN SNOW
Oh, so you've forgotten me have you? What a
surprise. So no, you don't know me, because I'm
anonymous.

POE
But you know me? Don't I get to be anonymous too?

OFFICER KEVIN SNOW
No, Poe Alice Bango Social Security Number 555-55-
5555. In a small town like this, you have to earn
your anonymity.