Scene from "Bringing Down the Bangos" - Uncle Henry has fonder memories of his cigarette butts than of his wife

INT. CAPE COD HOUSE - 20 YEARS AGO

ON SCREEN: "Cape Cod - 20 years ago"

Inside, the little cottage is dark, furnished like an old English parlor.
Uncle Henry and Aunt Virginia are playing bridge with friends, Dick and
Alice, all in their 60's. The men are drinking bourbon and Henry is smoking.
Next to him is a huge ashtray overflowing with cigarette butts. Virginia
gets up and reaches down to empty it. Henry slaps her hand away. Virginia
looks apologetically at her friend Alice.

AUNT VIRGINIA
Henry likes to horde his cigarette butts.

UNCLE HENRY
Shaddup, Ginnie.

AUNT VIRGINIA
He feels insecure when they leave his side.

Dick and Alice look uncertain. Is Virginia joking? Dick suddenly laughs, and
Alice, following her husband's lead, titters uncomfortably. Henry glares at
Virginia, then looks at Dick and smiles.

UNCLE HENRY
Hey, these butts are my favorite ones. I have a
special memory about each and every one of 'em.

He bursts out laughing and Dick and Alice join him. Virginia looks disgusted
and sits back down. She sips her tea.

The front door swings open and Henry and Virginia's nieces, Grace, 15, and
Madsen, 17, enter the cottage.

Madsen, with her long, black hair and curvy body dressed up like pop singer,
Madonna, seductively sits on her uncle Henry's lap. Freckled Grace has
braces and wears glasses. She is wearing a marching band uniform and
carrying a percussion triangle.

UNCLE HENRY
There's my Madsen. There's my girl! That's my niece
I was talkin' about, Dick. Whaddya think? Isn't she
a beauty?

DICK
(a little over-enthusiastically)
She sure is.

Alice kicks her husband under the table. He looks away from Madsen.

UNCLE HENRY
And sharp too. Smart as they come. Like a girly
Albert Einstein. Right, baby?

MADSEN
Yup.

Madsen plucks Henry's cigarette from his fingers and takes a puff. Virginia
snatches it away from her. Madsen snickers and rolls her eyes.

UNCLE HENRY
Oh, lighten up, Ginnie.

Henry holds his glass of bourbon up to Madsen's lips.

UNCLE HENRY (CONT'D)
Here, have a sip of this. It'll put hair on your
chest.

Henry and Madsen laugh. Dick and Alice look profoundly uncomfortable.

AUNT VIRGINIA
(to Henry and Madsen)
That's enough, you two.

MADSEN
Oh, you're just jealous.

UNCLE HENRY
Yeah.

Madsen and Henry laugh again. Virginia turns her attention away from them
and on to Grace. She forces a smile.

AUNT VIRGINIA
What do you have there, Gracie?

Grace holds up her triangle and smiles proudly.

GRACE
I made the marching band!

Henry and Madsen burst out laughing again.

UNCLE HENRY
So what?

Virginia hugs Grace.

AUNT VIRGINIA
That's wonderful, dear.

MADSEN
Yeah! Wonderfully retarded!

Henry and Madsen howl with laughter. Grace's face falls and she runs to her
room. Now there is an uncomfortable silence in the room. Henry nudges Madsen
off his lap. She takes the hint and goes off to her own room.

ALICE
Well, Grace is a very pretty girl too. Pretty blonde
hair and big eyes.

UNCLE HENRY
Big dumb doe eyes.

AUNT VIRGINIA
Thank you, Alice. She's a very sweet girl.

UNCLE HENRY
Ichh. It's sickening.

AUNT VIRGINIA
Henry!

UNCLE HENRY
Yep. Big dumb doe eyes.

Henry takes a drag off his cigarette as he flashes back to a few nights
before.

INT. HENRY'S CAR - NIGHT

It is dark and Henry is driving. He sees Grace up ahead, turns on his high
beams, speeds up and swerves near her. Blinded, she stumbles into a ditch.
He's chuckling. He sees a deer up ahead and floors it.