It All Began Wth Wally - Part 4

According to Wally’s latest version, an hour and 19 minutes have elapsed and his plucky band of adventurers have yet to move past the trading post. I remind him of the 1 page=1 minute of screen time rule. “If this is going to be a two-hour flick,” I point out, “you’ve only given them 41 minutes to make it all the way to the opposite coast, pack up, and come back to St. Louis.”

Wally pondered this a moment. “Maybe I should cut out the backstory about Meriwether’s childhood and the troubling incidents that led him to become an alcoholic in later years.”

“Yeah, probably,” I said. “You might also want to lose the dalliance in the pantry between Thomas Jefferson and Sally Hemings.”

Wally was ruffled, reminding me that it was the first sex scene he’d ever written and he was rather proud of it.

“But it’s completely off-message,” I said. “You need to remember the audience you’re writing this for.” (beat) “By the way, who is your audience?”

Even via email, I could picture Wally shrug. “Everyone,” he replied, as if this answer should be perfectly obvious.

I needed a new strategy.

“Whatever historical period you’re writing about,” I said, “there needs to be something that resonates with modern viewers.” Themes about reward, revenge and escape, I went on, can be plopped into any century because this trio of concerns has plagued mankind since the beginning of time. “To carry it off, though, you need a protagonist your audience can relate to.”

Wally asked whether it should be Lewis or Clark.

“I’d go with Sacajawea,” I told him. Ask any two people on the street to name famous Native American heroines; she and Pochahontas will top the list. Unlike the latter, however, Sacajawea’s life following her 15 minutes of fame is shrouded in a mystery that persists to this day. Did she die within a few years of the expedition’s return? Or – as claimed by her own people – did she live well into her 80’s?

“Think of it this way,” I explained. “She’s a young, pregnant woman in an unhappy relationship with a Frenchman her family isn’t too keen about. She’s attracted to another man who is not only kind to her but also protective of the son she gives birth to. Unfortunately, he’s married to someone else. Far from home and with limited job skills, she’s forced to do whatever will be best for her child.”

I could sense a glimmer of a lightbulb coming on. Even though it was roughly the wattage of an EasyBake oven, I was encouraged to hear Wally say he was now going to rewrite the entire epic from Sacajawea’s POV.

My elation lasted up until I read the opening scene of his next draft.

EXT. – DAY – A babbling brook in the wilderness.

Two BRAVES look up from their fishing as a third, RUNNING BEAR, splashes his way toward them.

BRAVE #1: Why are you so excited, Running Bear?

NOTE TO FILE: Tell Wally to read this line out loud and without the comma.

RUNNING BEAR: I have just heard the most incredible news that my wife and I are expecting our first child to arrive at the beginning of spring. If it is a girl, we are thinking of naming her ‘Sacajawea’ which, as you both know in our native language, translates to mean ‘bird woman’.

BRAVE #2: That is a fortuitously splendid omen indeed. We should get everyone together this weekend and carouse with gusto.